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Jonghyun is literally making money from girl idols. JONGHYUN IS A FUCKING PIMP. A PIMP
He is getting copyright money from each download and play on radio.
Our Jonghyun is secretly A PIMP. (jokes)
In all seriousness I’m waiting for the song~
Let’s Talk About Suicide.
I’m not even going to lie about this. I’ve thought about suicide plenty of times. I’m 14. Should I be thinking about this? Sadly, I have to tell myself, no, I shouldn’t.
I have immense respect for people who actually kill themselves. Just because they’re brave enough to do so. I know I can’t. At least right now.
Suicide is hard. Especially when you live in somewhere like Singapore where guns are banned. I can’t just shoot myself and leave myself to die.
I asked my teacher once. How many people would kill themselves if there was no pain? She couldn’t look me in the eye after I said that.
I’ve thought about overdosing. But people always told me that overdosing would end up in failure. And I definitely didn’t want to be treated like a mental patient if I happened to fail. Not going to lie, I’ve cut before. The scars have faded. Only the pain and memories remain.
Let’s talk about why I would not kill myself.
- Pain. Just the thought of falling to my death scares me. I’ve secretly wanted for someone to walk in front of a moving vehicle just so I could push them out of the way so that if I die it wouldn’t be as painful as it would be a moment’s impulse.
- Albums. It may seem stupid, but thinking about how I can never touch my beloved albums, listen to them. The pure joy of knowing I have photocards of my favourite members. It would all amount to nothing.
- Kim Jonghyun. I don’t know how much I can stress this. Kim Jonghyun… This guy. He definitely doesn’t know how much my life revolves around this very man. If I went deaf, I would just kill myself instantly. I’m not joking. If I could never hear his voice again. My life would mean nothing. I live to listen to his voice.
- Friends. No, not family. But friends. I honestly can not bother to think what my family would think if I killed myself because I don’t feel emotionally attached to them at all. I don’t care if they’re upset, angry or anything. But my friends, that’s another story all together. Not just any friends. But friends I met through K-Pop. Allannah, Sheryl, Stephanie, Aisyah, the people I’ve talked to on tumblr, AFF I’m referring to you guys. I would miss us talking nonsense so much.
Reasons why I would kill myself.
- Parents. Just put the whole thing about parents that you think you know aside for just a moment. And listen to what I have to say. People always say that our parents know what’s best for us. They say that they will always be there for us. That they will love us no matter what happens. Well, I’m here to tell to that, no. it’s not true.There will always be the parents that are just freaking crazy like that. Have you not heard about those parents that beat their children to death. Parents. We can’t talk back to them, we can’t raise our own opinions. We have to hold back everything we want to say because that’s “disrespectful” if we don’t. If we try to prove a point we’re “rude” Even if we are right, we get scolded. Why? Because the parents have too much pride. I’m sick of this. We are told we should always love our parents blah blah blah. Tell me why should I love someone who constantly tells me I’m fat,messy,useless and a disrespectful, rude, know-it-all? Like fuck you. I see plenty of parents that love their children even if their child is a fucking twat so like stfu. Every parent is different. There’s wonderful parents and there’s the terrible ones. Just don’t class them together.
- School. Yes, school. Pretty sure WAYYY too many people can agree with me on this. Hah. I’m that one weirdo that is outcasted and made fun of by the whole class. I’ve been called names, been made a joke, and all I’ve done is take it with a laugh and a smile. Classes are horribly stressful and all that jazz.It’s horrible. I just want to get out so bad.
- Just being alive without a purpose. I don’t want to just school>job> die.
- Living without a talent. I’ve not found my talent yet. It’s becoming a joke within my friends that I’m just average.. I’m not excelling in anything, I’m just okay with almost everything. And somehow I want desperately to be really good in something. I’ve tried many things. People always tell me it’ll take time. Well if I really killed myself there wouldn’t be time left assholes.
- Tired. I’m tired of being seen as that girl without any worries or care in the world. Who can always take a joke. Well I can’t, and I’m the most paranoid person. I always take the most horrible and least likely to happen situation as the most likely to happen to me because I can.I cry myself to sleep plenty of times and I think I’ve broken down like 3 times this year. So yeah.
Anyway. Long story short. I’m a girl that just alive now.I’m not living, I’m just alive. No one knows when I will go or how will I go. Now, I’m not anywhere near that kind of famous and well liked that I think people would bother to read this thing. But, I just want to say. That if I die. Please don’t remember me as anything but a weirdo Jonghyun Stan.
For anyone that’s feeling the same way I do, let’s struggle together for as long as we can;; Cheers.
-RachelNickii
It’s been a 100 days since I last saw Jonghyun in real life… Sigh.
And the fact I was supposed to see him like 2/3 weeks ago breaks my heart. Sigh. 야! 김종현! 너무 보고싶다 ㅠㅠ
It’s gotten to a point where I don’t need subs on Korean shows anymore. But I need subs on Chinese shows. AND I’M A CHINESE THAT HAS SPOKEN CHINESE ALL HER LIFE.